man, fuck postsecret

So,uh

if you think that the antidote to paternalistic and disempowering attitudes towards teenagers’ sexualities, sex lives, etc

is adults making the argument that they should be allowed to sleep with 14 year olds

PLEASE get out of all discourse on this issue, you’re not fucking helping anyone, you creepy, creepy fuck.

Like, there’s a lot to be said about the fact that the desexualization of teenagers has led to criminalizing TEENAGERS just for being sexually active (see also: teenagers being labelled sex offenders for the rest of their lives for sexting of all things) and makes kids MORE vulnerable to sexual predators by removing their agency from the equation and encouraging a dynamic where teens aren’t allowed to express consent OR LACK THEREOF, especially around adults who may be predators.

But for fuck’s sake

if you look at this and think that the problem is “It’s totally unfair that as someone in their 20’s I can’t fuck a 14 year old”

I am ashamed to share a planet with you, tbqh.

oh god (tw, penn state crap)

Why did I think it would be a good idea to listen to this week’s This American Life episode?

Read More

about the whole “when girls SAY ____, they really mean the opposite” trope (tw rape culture)

(I saw a brilliant post talking about this a little while ago, but I think the author decided she didn’t want to engage in the discussion after all, which is cool, so i’m not gonna try to link to that person/post. I will point out that darkjez has some really salient observations on the subject, which y’all should read.)

I think what a lot of dudes don’t realize is that there is so much conditioning and bullshit that goes into teaching ladies not to be clear & explicit about things.

Like, as a woman, you’re supposed to be down with a guy paying for your meal, and you’re supposed to be up for sex, but if you ask for those things straight up you’re a whore and a slut and things may even get violent.

And if you’re not okay with either of those things and you say no outright you’re a bitch and a prude and things may even get violent.

So a lot of women & girls learn to communicate indirectly. But even then it’s a losing situation, because then people (usually men) just take that as license to trample all over consent, and if the woman gets hurt as the result then it’s her fault for sending “mixed messages”.

So if you’re a lady, you can: communicate directly and risk being punished for not conforming to social standards for ladies (because who do you think you are?!?!). Or, communicate indirectly and risk being punished & them blamed for not being direct enough (shifty, sneaky bitch!!!).

And of course certain things are grounds for punishment no matter how we communicate them, like the word “no”.

Sometimes guys get all defensive with me and are like, “So what can MEN do to help fight rape culture???” and okay guys, listen up: this is a thing you can do. You can help change this script. You can help change this script by taking women at their word. It’s a really simple thing, and it can make a huge difference. This is important: Take women at their word. 

(And if a woman really is just trying to manipulate you, then the worst outcome is that you’re a guy who acted in good faith and was misled to some degree by a jerk. If you DON’T take a woman at her word, then the worst outcome is you’re a rapist! If you’d rather be a rapist than jerked around a little bit, well, I can’t help you.)

TW rape, ableism

unknowablewoman:

cinnamonwheel:

metapianycist:

Rape culture disproportionately affects asexual people

This is such bullshit. You are a vile piece of shit.

Another manifestation of sexual supremacy is the pathologization of lack of desire for sex and of lack of experiencing sexual attraction, seen in the DSM diagnoses of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder and Sexual Arousal Disorder.

Fuck this ableist bullshit. Some people have sexual disorders that they want fixed.

Fuck tumblr asexuals. Homophobic, sexist, ableist, rape apologist, disgusting excuses for human beings.

I guess that settles my questions of how to identify, because I want nothing to do with a subculture that enables and encourages these fucking assholes.

I will always reblog cinnamonwheel’s commentary on internet asexuals. THIS IS WHY WE DON’T WANT YOU IN THE QUEER COMMUNITY, you fuckwads.

Rape culture disproportionately affects asexual people

Rape culture disproportionately affects asexual people

Rape culture disproportionately affects asexual people

You guys I’m so mad I can’t even

just

fuck you, metapianycist. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

I’m sexual. I’m not an unrapeable whore whose rape was secretly fun like so many goddamn rape apologists have TOLD ME TO MY FACE and I’m SO FUCKING SICK of the narrative that rape and rape culture is only worthy of concern when the people it affects are ~~~pure~~~ and innocent victims who don’t derive pleasure from sex so there’s no ambiguity that it was REALLY rape for them, not like us dirty dirty sluts who like sex and maybe even sometimes do sex work and sjhadkshk

fuck you

fuck you

fuck you forever

That’s it, tumblr, I’m done even trying to talk about asexuality, sexual terminology, etc

I’m sorry, I’ve tried to participate productively, but AS A GODDAMN SURVIVOR of rape and abuse, I can’t deal with this fucking bullshit. For every decent conversation it seems like there’s five people spewing stuff like “well rape culture is just WORSE for asexual people (because they don’t GET OFF ON RAPE like we know you sexysexuals secretly do)” and talking TO RAPE SURVIVORS about how the ways some of us HEAL FROM SEXUAL ASSAULT by exploring and reclaiming our sexualities makes us “sexual supremacists” (who aren’t as negatively affected by rape culture as pure, virtuous asexual folks are).

And you know, I’ve kept my mouth shut on this because my experience is not universal and I know first hand that pathologization sucks and is oppressive, but: as a rape survivor, I have some sexual dysfunction myself. Like, I derive pleasure from sex. I like sex. I have sex with my partner, and people who aren’t my partner. When I am afraid of and have pain during sex, when my anxiety and other general mental health stuff obliterate my ability to have regular, fun, pain-and-freak-out-free sex with people I like and love - it has a negative impact on my life, and I want to be able to address that and rectify it. The whole question of the concept of sexual dysfunction is not an either-or thing. There are some people WHOSE LIVES ARE NEGATIVELY IMPACTED BY SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION. In my case, RAPE AND RAPE CULTURE ARE DIRECT FUCKING CONTRIBUTORS TO THAT.

That’s not your experience? GREAT!! I support your right to define your experience and I do think that if you’re just asexual you shouldn’t be saddled with a label about sexual dysfunction, that seems like some obvious bullshit to me. But stop FUCKING erasing my own (already erased) experience just to make room for yours, stop telling me that rape and rape culture are NOT AS BAD for me as they are for you because you’re not sexual like me, stop telling me that the things I experience (like sexual dysfunction) aren’t real things that exist, just stop it stop it fucking STOP.

"

Trigger warning for partner consent issues, rape

At first, I didn’t know what she meant. She spoke so softly I had to lean across the table to hear her. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” she said, “but sometimes I really don’t want to have sex. Sometimes I do, but not as often as you want it. And sometimes I want to tell you ‘no,’ but I can’t bring myself to do it. So I try and send you signals, hoping you can just tell how I’m feeling. But that doesn’t work, so it’s… it’s just easier to say ‘yes’ or just say nothing at all.”

My face flushed. I felt nauseated. I thought instantly of the previous night, where we’d grabbed what I thought was a hot half-hour when my roommates were both gone. Katie had seemed so passionate when we’d been making out, but then gotten very quiet once all our clothes were off. I’d told myself she wanted to have one ear cocked for the sound of a key in the door. I hadn’t considered—or hadn’t wanted to consider—the more obvious possibility: she was trying to tell me that she didn’t want to have sex.

I looked out the window. I couldn’t meet Katie’s eyes. My gaze fixed in the distance, my voice trembling, I asked what seemed the only possible question: “Are you trying to tell me I raped you?”

I was in my first women’s studies course, and just the previous week we’d been reading about sexual violence and the law. In class, where I was one of only three men, I’d felt rage thinking about all of those cruel assholes who didn’t understand that “no means no.” But now a dark and unseen possibility was opening up: not every “no” could be spoken. Maybe, I realized, sometimes even a quiet “OK” could be a “no” in disguise.

Katie started to cry. “Oh God, Hugo. No. Not rape. It’s just… I wish you could tell the difference between when I really want you and when I’d just rather be held.” She began to cry harder. “Fuck. It’s all my fault,” she wept. “I can’t expect you to be a mindreader. I’m so sorry.”

"

The Accidental Rapist — The Good Men Project

So much of the activism against sexual violence posits rapists as a subspecies of human, deliberately malicious, a separate breed that - if eradicated - will solve all our problems. Yet how often do we look into ourselves to see if we are part of the problem?

Perhaps when we consider the idea that we could be abusers too - want it or not - we can start coming up with more solutions that don’t assume Good/Bad splits, that don’t force assumptions of “They can’t have done that, they’re a GOOD PERSON!”, that doesn’t also end up finding fault with the victim because they weren’t perfectly innocent.

(via creatrixtiara)