hangama:

of-praxis:

unknowablewoman:

lindentea:

indigofer:

missvoltairine:

and especially of depression, because it’s like, depression is, I feel, my BIGGEST OBSTACLE to productivity and creative self-expression.

Like, if I had to write a song while in a depressive episode, it would go:

I’m not getting up

I’m not getting up

fuck you

I’m not getting up

that’s my song.

And certainly, mental illness has/does inform a lot of my work, and I take a certain amount of pride in that, because I can. But it is a constant struggle and negotiation.

Mine would be

I’m getting up

I’m getting up

In just a minute

Really any minute now

Cos I need to pee

…Maybe in a bit.

well that sure sounds familiar.

oh yeah, I feel this

depression has made me good at absolutely nothing

I used to joke that if someone made a movie about my depression, it would just be two hours of watching me lay in bed and stare at the ceiling

exciting, let me tell you

My song is

Oh look at everything I have to do

I volunteered to do these things because I thought it would get me out of bed

Oh look I didnt go to class again

I have so many things to do

And I know how to do them

And I know how beautifully it would go down if I did it

But all this thinking has made me nervous

So now I am going to sleep

the end

since my anxiety and depression are linked it ususally goes something like:

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

i studied for hours and now i cant remember anything

fuck im going to fail

blank out

fuck fuck fuck

i failed this test

going to go sleep for hours to forget

fuck

the end

And for the chorus: just the sound of my endless internal screaming