quixotess asked you:

This is a bit of a strange question, but I’m thinking of joining my “cultural council” at work which is like…talk about problems and stuff and try to work out solutions and then maybe present them to corporate. It’s a good time to join because there’s a new lead who I respect. It’s not exactly like a co-op or organizing for justice, but I thought there might be some similar dynamics/behaviors. Can you maybe give me a basic rundown on how not to be a jerk, what to expect and other various tips?

So this was a really neat/interesting ask to get.

I have some personal ground rules for any kind of collective organizing and/or decision making process. I’ve developed these through years of slogging through these processes and seeing just about every way they can go wrong, as well as a lot of ways that they can work, and I find that it’s pretty easy for me now to tell in a group when my ground rules aren’t being respected and aren’t going to be respected. There are red flags to watch out for with each one, and if I reach a certain limit of red flags, I tend to bail.

So uh I guess I will just list my rules? Yeah.

1. Act in good faith. Be upfront about what you want to accomplish as part of the organization, working group, etc in question. Remember that you have something concrete to accomplish together. You can disagree with someone, you can hate their politics, you can oppose them on everything, but when you do, be honest about your reasons for doing so. When in doubt about another person’s motivations, assume that they are being straightforward until/unless you absolutely know that they are not. Then be straightforward about the fact that you want to know what they’re really getting at. This is a group of people trying to deal with some kind of social/political/economic/etc issue, not a Dune novel.

Red flag to watch out for here: People clearly not saying what they mean, lots of indirect language and jargon used without clarification, accusations of sabotage, theft, etc. Secret meetings.

2. Keep it in perspective. Remember what you’re there to accomplish, because that is what it all comes down to. Someone on your committee is pissing you off? Remember what you’re there to accomplish. Someone passed a motion that has some potentially problematic language? Remember what you’re there to accomplish. This is especially true when you’re part of a group that is trying to address an issue that’s urgent and time-sensitive - if you’re trying to stop a family of refugees from being deported by the end of the month, you need to not spend two weeks of that month arguing over the wording of your manifesto - but it’s also very true of groups where your goals are more abstract. It’s good to have and maintain a tangible sense of direction, otherwise you’ll get bogged down in minute details that can be fought and stalled over endlessly and you’ll never get anything done.

Red flag to watch out for: any time an important decision is blocked until the wording of the decision can be “worked out”.

3. Check your ego at the door. Don’t make conflicts about you when they’re not. Don’t make them about other people, personally, when they’re not. You are there because you have something to contribute, so contribute it! But don’t flatter yourself to think that when someone takes issue with your contributions, it’s about you as an individual, your worth as a group member, etc. Similarly, if you have a personal issue with someone, unless your issue is really serious (like, they’re being abusive), leave it outside. This is a subset of “keep it in perspective”, but it’s important enough that it gets its own point because NOTHING derails a process faster than someone interpreting matters of process, policy, etc as being personal attacks.

Red flag to watch out for: interpersonal drama. People opposing other peoples’ proposals based on individual dislike of each other. People couching their opinions in terms of how they feel on a personal level and making decisions, processes, etc, all about their individual feelings.

4. Don’t be a dick. I was once a part of a collective where this was our only real organizing rule. We were a fairly large group, with an even larger organizational membership/demographic, and we did everything by consensus. It could have been a complete disaster, except it wasn’t, and I credit the success of it to everyone respecting the “don’t be a dick” rule. Don’t Be A Dick works like this: don’t block consensus without a good reason. Don’t prevent the group from reaching a decision or taking a course of action because you don’t like the person who proposed it, or you don’t like the way they proposed it, or you disagree with some of the wording in the proposal. If you’re going to oppose a decision or direction or what have you, you need to have a good reason and you need to explain that to everyone so that they understand. (Ideally, violating the Don’t Be A Dick rule gets you a temporary “time out” from participating in the process that you’re being a dick about.)

Red flag to watch out for: someone blocking a decision without being willing to explain their reason, or for reasons that seem thin and spurious.

5. Pick your battles. This one’s pretty simple. Don’t go to war on an issue that’s ultimately not that significant in comparison with other issues. Don’t go to war against a person as an individual because you just don’t like them. Assert yourself, stand your ground, don’t put up with abusive bullshit, be firm on your values, but don’t be rigid and try to fight on every single ideological difference. You’ll burn out fast. There needs to be balance. Prioritize your issues, focus on the important stuff, and the smaller things will come.

Red flag to watch out for: Ideological inflexibility, decisions being made and actions being taken based on dogma rather than on ethics, discussion, and practicality.

6. Do your homework. Don’t go into decision making processes around specific issues while totally ignorant about those issues. If you’re working with an organization, learn the organization’s bylaws and mandate before you participate in decision-making processes there. If you’re not sure if something is kosher or you feel you can’t make an informed decision, ask someone for a brief explanation of it and don’t be afraid to abstain. If you’re submitting some kind of motion or proposal, work out the wording and logistics before submitting it, and make sure you’re able to explain it clearly and concisely. Staying informed and making sure your fellow organizers/group members/whatever are informed as well will help you with keeping things on track and make everyone more confident in their ability to make decisions and engage with the group. Plus, if you are in a position of significant leadership within an organization - like, if you’re on the board of directors - it’s just common sense to make sure your ass is covered, and you do that by keeping yourself informed.

Red flag to watch out for: “Well, I don’t really feel like I understand the issue/my responsibility, but…”; being pressured to vote or state an opinion without receiving an adequate explanation or chance to self-educate on the issue at hand.

7. Set boundaries and avoid black holes. Black holes are meetings that go on forever, issues that suck up everyone’s energy and can’t be addressed without drama, interpersonal conflicts and popularity games, agendas that are a million items long. If something is draining your energy, ask yourself how necessary it is. Is it benefiting the group? Is it helping you get shit done? If the answer is no, walk away. I mean, literally walk away. Don’t be afraid to say “oh gee look at the time, I simply can’t stay in this meeting any longer”. If you don’t set boundaries and make it clear that there is a limit to the time and energy you are willing to commit to a specific process, issue, meeting, etc, you WILL at some point be expected to run yourself into the ground. You may even end up doing so. I, personally, have a standard two-hour time limit for meetings, unless they are specifically meant to run longer - like a visioning meeting, AGM, etc. If it’s a standard organizing meeting, and such meetings are happening on a regular basis, I see no reason why it should run longer than two hours. It sounds like it would be problematic, but it actually works really well. At the two hour mark, either the meeting is over or I leave. If I reach a point before the two hour mark where I feel like the meeting is going to go overtime, I assess the situation, and if it’s bullshit, I leave at that point. 

Red flag to watch out for: Agendas that are over ten items long, meetings that consistently start ten, fifteen, twenty minutes late.

8. Have fun. I know this one sounds trite, but it’s still valuable. It’s NEAT to participate in stuff like this! You can build solid relationships with like minded people, make friends, plan actions, write neat stuff, improve policy, create a really positive culture, and make a difference. Being a part of a group process for some kind of progressive change can be incredibly empowering. Get to know your fellow group members. Bring snacks to meetings. Take breaks. This is one of my biggest irritations about radical organizing groups, is their meetings are often just physically unpleasant - uncomfortable chairs, no food, long, unbroken periods of intense discussion. No wonder people aren’t clamoring to come to our meetings, seriously. It’s not a game, but that doesn’t mean all fun should be disallowed.

Red flag to watch out for: Lack of a sense of comraderie. Soul-crushing joylessness. Uncomfortable metal chairs.