I feel like I’m the only one rooting for Sandhya on this season of Project Runway. I love love loved the work she showed in the selection process and I actually really liked her winning design last week, it was very fresh, the colour worked really well, the only problem was it wasn’t as finished as it could have been but like compared to the other designs, which were very conventional, it showed a strong conceptual eye. And yeah she had the weakest design this week but that’s why they give immunity to challenge winners? Like, deal with it, oh my god.

And frankly there are much weaker designers on the show who frankly spend too much time that they should be spending on their work standing around and shit-talking. 

Also Carrie was boring as fuck and I’m not sorry to see her go. Just having blue hair and calling your work “Asian inspired” (without specifying like, where in Asia, which cultures, etc because Asia is not a monolith jfc) doesn’t give you a personality, sorry 2 say. 

weaponized jealousy is so weird and real

it’s true! this was a thing with H and their friends too? I feel like this should be talked about more tbh. 

also mustangscullaaay WHY WON’T THEY EVER PAY FOR OUR THERAPY, I mean I know why, but still

It is important to me to remind myself of these things because sometimes I also start to think things like, “well she paid for all my meals, so it couldn’t have been abuse” and “well she took me to california so it couldn’t have been abuse” and “well the last time I saw her blog she was still talking obliquely about how people (meaning me) had “taken advantage” of her “generosity” in the past so maybe that’s true, maybe i did do that?” In myths there is this thing where if you eat the food of faeries or the underworld or whatever you have to stay there with them forever and like in one of those myths, I did eat the food that was paid for by D. It was mostly chicken strips. So maybe I have to live with being condemned as the one who took advantage of the people who had me living in fear for my life. There’s two sides to every story, after all. If I don’t document and talk about these things it’s like they never happened and I can’t exist with that. 

themindislimitless said: Can I reblog this?

yeah sure

The main thing that D used to make me feel like I owed it to her to put up with her and C’s abuse was the fact that she paid for everything, when we were together. She paid for most of it when we went to California together, she bought my meals, etc. But it’s also like… I am just now, just now realizing that she also engineered all the situations in which money had to be spent. Like, we could have not gone out to eat all the time, I would have been fine with that, but she had to take me out when she knew I couldn’t pay for it. If it had been up to me we would have done free stuff all the time, in fact I can only think of one time when I straight up asked her for money and I paid it back almost immediately b/c I was about to be kicked out of my place and didn’t get paid for a few days. And when we lived together, C wouldn’t tell me how much rent he and D were paying on the place I moved into with them so the rent they charged me was more than half of what the entire place cost, and I never knew until after I moved out (C held the lease, which I never saw when I was living there… yeah). The level of manipulation that went on with money with them is… really unreal. And months ago, the one time I saw D on my dash, it was someone saying she had given them money, so like, idk the exact circumstances of that obviously but I’m willing to bet she still uses money to buy peoples’ friendship and then makes people feel guilty about it in order to essentially buy their silence about her and C’s behavior.

And like, D comes from money. She likes to pretend that she doesn’t but she does. And I don’t. So of course she knew that I was poor and she wasn’t and like… just ugh. 

The first time I got Really Published, like, in a magazine, D and C literally told me to “sleep with one eye open” because they were “jealous” of me

I saw a thing today on tumblr about how anyone who never acknowledges your successes but never misses your failures is not your friend. Doubly so for anyone who uses your successes to punish you and make you feel afraid. The first time I got published should have been a triumph but instead I was afraid for my safety.

time to put myself to bed. please say a prayer that I don’t get any angry canadian nationalists in my inbox while I sleep, thank you. 

ANYway, on an unrelated but important note

my pal Shawn Struck is running a patreon campaign to help pay his bills while he does the things he wants to do, like school and writing etc. Check it out and consider donating if you can, there’s a bunch of endorsements on there from cool people, and I know I would really like to see him succeed! 

"20 years ago" means that someone my age could have spent their early childhood in a residential school, just for the record. And I’m not that old. (But you know, apparently old enough to feel like 20 years is historically nothing, which makes me feel older than a lot of people on this site sometimes.)

A message from Anonymous
1996 was almost 20 years ago

wow

Actually I think if anything in recent years Canada is backsliding on any progress it made in the 70s and early 80s, particularly in terms of social programs and welfare etc. which is honestly pretty terrifying. 

I should have just responded to that ask with a photo of Stephen Harper.

I’m so over people who go “oh, Canada has some fucked up things ~in the past~ but all that is over now, now Canada is all wonderful and soooooooooooo much better so stop criticizing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” like god just stop talking, stop, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

A message from Anonymous
I'm not saying that eastern Canada is the good part, because yeah like you said all the provences have done terrible things, but I am saying that that was in the past and that most provences have improved by at least a bit so it's not really appropriate to say that all of Canada is awful, it WAS awful.

the last residential school closed in 1996.